Dissappointment

okay so went to school today coz someone wanted to get his results so badly..and so i went..bro sent me to school so reached school no one was in class..slept in fucking class..nizam arrived and kent too..then..........disturb mr.sara got exams marks and got back home..tgan,kent,siang,sanjiv nizam chilled for a bit.....


dad asked for my results and showed him my marks for science coz thats the only wan i got witih both the paper i ppassed! and hes like this is just like barely pass and i klept wuite i can see that hes dissappointed and i cant do fuck bout it..so fucking pissed..well i fucking tried like my best but hen istill cant score A coz im not a genius like some people in myclass the way i looked at the results i was kinda lucky to get it coz like frist time science paper i manage to answer all the questions..then after dinner my mom was like im dissappointed with you..fuck i keep on getting this..

i shud start studying well i actually i did already but i dont know why my fucking marks always stays like dat..its like the harder i try to lower i get and when i dont do fucking shit on the paper i get fucking good marks well i mean better marksla this is fucking stupid!!might aswell not study coz it doesnt work..it doesnt fucking work...iu cant keep on dissappointing my parents..they've done so much to me..and if i dont score for SPM which is the real shit..i just dont know how to live with myself..

im finding a solution for all of this its not the fiirst fgucking time i dissappointed my parents..and i dont want them to even have the tought of giving up on me and i know they wont or even have the tought that im a failure coz im not..ive been using the excuse of "well i tried" or "i dont know why" or saying im sorry without knowing how to resolve the problem or "i promise i wont do it again"..i guess being 16 turning 17 is a blast for most ppl and it is for me too but there is ups and downs no doubt..i think this is quite a good time no i mean i gotta start being mature and take responsabilities on my actions and not just act like i know what im doing all the time and act like im always right or i dont need advices...i gotta fucking start giving back something to my parents after they put their trust and everything on my but i take it for granted and just blow it off..this is fucked up..seriously fucked up..coz i get whatever i want..and theydont ask anything back but its like a unspoken agreement or unwritten deal between each child with their parents where they must fucking repay them atleast with something they can be proud of their child..well most ppl just fucked it up..im nearly there and i dont want too..i guess i aint that matured yet as i think iam coz i still dont wanna take any responsabillities on my actions..still dont fucking think before i do something and sure dont think of the future..talk is fucking cheap but doing it is something else..well as i sed earlier im serious this time..ill fucking find myself back on the ground and repay mymy loved ones esp my mom and dad for everything..dissapointed them too fucking much..